She Only Smokes When She Drinks
by Calculated Artificiality
Summary: Scully is fed up with Mulder and his ditching, not to mention skirt chasing when she's around. A Fight ensues and things between them will never be the same, one way or another. Set in approx. Season 6. : COMPLETE!
1. Default Chapter

"**She Only Smokes When She Drinks"**

**By: Calculated Artificiality (a.k.a. Natalie)**

_All right guys, this is my first X-file fanfic, so I truly hope that you enjoy it. It's fun writing these characters, but you must know that this fic takes a time travel back to, I'd say, around season six, maybe mid-sevenish. But probably six. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it._

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters herein, except Frank and Dr. Bolton, who is actually based upon my good friend, Jess. Dana Scully Fox Mulder are the "property" of a whole bunch of people that have much more money and power than I do—so, therefore, no infringement is intended._

_I'd truly appreciate Reviews!!! Enjoy!_

_Thanks,_

_Natalie!_

She couldn't believe that he'd done this to her again. How many times was she going to fall for this? She thought he cared about her, the thought that maybe he loved her had even crossed her mind. How stupid could she be? She would never be anything more to him than a friend. She was good for him when there was no long legged, drop-dead gorgeous woman in sight.

The thought just made her sick to her stomach. Thinking about the look in his eyes when he'd seen the beautiful doctor Bolton, made her want to vomit right there in her car. In fact, the thought made her insides turn with a vehemence she hadn't experienced since the last time he ditched her, or maybe the last time he'd taken the side of another gorgeous woman over her.

She was supposed to be his partner, but he had no hesitance to ditch her at any given time. Yeah, she didn't agree with him, but that didn't give him the license to run away at every chance he got. Damn, it didn't even give him the OPTION of running away at ANY chance he got. They were supposed to work together—and he seemed to forget that whether he was chasing aliens or skirts.

She knew it was her fault, though. It was her fault that he affected her so. There was a reason she was called 'the Ice Queen.' Yep, there was a damn good reason for that—but somewhere along the line she'd let some of that ice melt off, she let part of her heart and some of her soul show to one man and one man alone since college… and she knew now, she knew that she never should have let down the wall around her heart—she should have never let him in. But, that couldn't be undone now no matter how much she wished otherwise. She'd made a mistake, that was for damn sure; she'd trusted him—not just professionally, but personally as well. It seemed as though he'd failed her on both fronts.

This time wasn't out of the ordinary, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. She'd tried to pretend as though this time it was just a figment of her imagination, but she knew otherwise the moment he joked about the looks of the woman in question with another male agent assigned to the case. And what's worse… it all happened in front of her face.

She was filled with so many emotions; she left and told him she'd see him back in DC whenever this wild goose chase was over.

He'd questioned her, tried to make her stay—of course, he needed her for autopsies and the like, but she'd refused, told him she was fine, and left on the next flight out of bo-dunk Texas.

Things were strained when he finally came to the office—he brought up the incident more than once, but today had just taken the cake. He wouldn't let it go, he kept pestering her—until she could take it no longer.

"Is this about Dr. Bolton, are you jealous?" He asked, with a slight smirk.

"Mulder. I am FINE. Do you understand that? Fine. I don't give a DAMN what you do in your spare time, but the minute you start letting it affect your work, I do give a damn." She sighed and looked down at the paper in front of her trying for all she was worth to focus on it.

"It didn't affect my work, Scully."

"Fine, whatever. Look, even so, you shouldn't be chasing skirts on our cases, okay?"

"Chasing skirts? I believe I was chasing a psychotic killer that believed he was the reincarnated Adolph Hitler. Dr. Bolton was merely helping me with that." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's not all she was helping you with." She mumbled under her breath.

"What was that, Scully?"

"Nothing."

"Look, I don't see why this is bothering you… it's not a big deal."

She was growing more angry with every word she spoke: "Yeah, it's not a big deal to you, that's right. But to me, it was very…" she chose the word carefully; she didn't want to reveal anything at this point "embarrassing."

"Embarrassing, why?"

"Yes, embarrassing. You undermined me at every opportunity in order to "impress" her, you made sexist comments, and threw sexual innuendo around both to her face and behind her back, all the time with me standing there!!"

"Oh come ON, Scully! You've got to be joking!!" he said incredulously. But she didn't laugh.

"You ditched me again." She said as she cleared her throat.

"I didn't—I simply followed up on a lead that Dr. Bolton had suggested."

"Yeah. Without me. How would you feel if I acted in the same manner that you did??"

"I wouldn't care." He said. That hurt her, of course he wouldn't care, he didn't feel the same way for her. He continued: "Three would have been a crowd." He said, knowing this might hurt her, but not caring at this point.

She looked at him, an expression of semi-shock befalling her face. "My point, EXACTLY, Mulder!! I'M supposed to be your partner, but you don't even give a damn about that lately. Hell, I don't know if you EVER have!" she spat.

"Give me a BREAK!" he spat back "I know you're my partner…and I'm sorry if your constant nagging and "debunking" of my theories, I use the term loosely as you've yet to ACTUALLY prove me wrong, annoys the absolute HELL out of me sometimes."

She was taken aback—she annoyed him? "Really? I'm sorry I've been such an annoying inconvenience to your "quest", and I use that term loosely because you've yet to ACTUALLY make any advancement where that's concerned. I'm sorry that for six years I've been following you around, doing anything you asked of me—no matter what time it is, no matter how far it is—I'm sorry if that's been so annoying!!" She couldn't believe he thought this of her.

He shrugged, angered by her comments about his quest, his life's work, his sister. "Yeah, well you know, Scully, no one's EVER asked you to do that. Maybe you do because you've got nothing better in YOUR LIFE! Maybe you're lonely; maybe you can't hold a relationship because of that little image, that nickname, what is it again? Oh yeah, ICE QUEEN."

Her face fell, as her heart registered his words. She felt a pang in her chest as tears began to travel to her eyes. She exhaled. "Is that what you think of me?" she asked softly.

He knew he'd hurt her, but he didn't care. She knew that finding Samantha was his quest. So he shrugged and looked coldly at her, "If the shoe fits."

She felt another jolt in the pit of her stomach—so this was what he thought of her. After all these years of running after him, helping him—bleeding for him, nearly dying for him—all for him—and this is what he thought.

She tried to keep the hurt out of her eyes, a feat that proved nearly impossible, as she said. "Well, that's good to know after all these years."

He remained silent as she grabbed her coat and headed for the door. She put her hand on the knob and turned back around—she didn't care what he knew at this moment: "Your theory is that I can't hold a relationship because I'm frigid—but did you ever think that maybe the real reason is exactly the opposite? Maybe because I've already melted—and for someone who never cared in the first place." And with that, she exited the office and walked quickly towards the elevator.

When she was safely inside, she let the tears fall. Damn him for doing this to her. Damn her for letting it happen.

He stayed in the office, shocked at what had just happened. He couldn't believe he'd said those things to her, yet he couldn't believe what she'd said to him before she left. He thought she was upset on a professional level—never once did he think that it was because she had feelings for him. Never once did that thought even come close to crossing his mind. It seemed impossible, because that would mean that his fantasy had come true… and things like that just didn't happen to him.

He was utterly bewildered, but he knew that he had to make things right—after he gathered his thoughts—after he was ready to take this leap.

Scully, on the other hand, was mad as hell—but overcome with hurt. She never thought she'd hear Mulder use that awful name—let alone to her face. But he'd used it against her, used her reputation against her, when he should know, more than anyone, the truth of her being.

She got in her car and began to drive, swiping the tears away and eventually keeping them at bay for good. She finally saw the neon light she'd been searching for, illuminated even more so by the darkness behind it.

She parked her car, came in, and sat down at the bar.

An older man in his late 50's came up to her and said "Hey sweetheart."

She smiled half-heartedly at him and said "Hey, Frank."

"What'll it be? Your usual?"

She looked down and said "Nope, I'd like the good stuff."

"That bad, huh sweetie?"

"Yep. That bad."

"Ouch. I'll be right back."

Scully looked at her watch, it was 9:00. She watched Frank prepare her drink, as a man sat down beside her. He looked over at her and smiled. She smiled politely back.

Frank came back and set her drink and a pack of cigarettes in front of her. She extracted one from the pack and brought it to her lips. The man beside her quickly reached into her pocket and produced a lighter, he looked at her as he ignited the flame, she took the light, and inhaled the sweet sin, and exhaled the smoke, as she smiled at Frank who had witnessed the whole transgression.

The man next to her looked pleased as Scully got down from the bar to go to the jukebox and look at the upcoming selections.

The man at the bar looked at Frank and raised his eyebrows as if to say 'damn.'

Frank just smiled and shook his head—and decided to clue the eager young man in. "So you lit her cigarette, You're feeling pretty good—you think you got a shot? With most girls you probably would…"

The young man looked back at him, as he started to question him—isn't that what a place like this is for?

He anticipated his unspoken question and answered it: "Yeah, this is that kind of place, but she ain't that kind of girl…"

He started to protest, but Frank cut him off "You're reading it all wrong, let me tell you about her…" the man looked receptive, so Frank continued. "She only smokes when she drinks, she only drinks now and then, Now and then when she's tired of being let down by men. You can give her a light, but it's not what you think. Everybody knows, she only drinks alone, and she only smokes when she drinks."

The young man refused to accept this as truth, so he said "Thanks, but I'll take my chances." He got up from the bar and walked over to where Scully stood; Frank just watched and shook his head. He saw them converse for a moment before the man began walking back to the bar. He sat down and finished off his drink.

Frank felt sorry for him, though he usually didn't for his type, but this guy was trying. So he chuckled a bit, and said "Did you ask her to dance?"

He nodded "Let me guess… she told you no?"

"Obviously." He said, as Frank poured him another drink.

Frank laughed and joked: "Oughta take her someplace quiet and see how far that goes…"

The young man did not laugh at the joke, but glared at Frank. He thought this woman was beautiful, and here this old man was making fun of him.

"Aw, don't take it all that hard; when she smiles and turns you down, for a complicated girl, she ain't that hard to figure out. Like I said, She only smokes when she drinks, she only drinks now and then, Now and then when she's tired of being let down by men. You can give her a light, but it's not what you think. Everybody knows, she only drinks alone, and she only smokes when she drinks."

The young man looked back at Scully, as she began walking back to the bar. "Thanks." He said, with all sincerity, realizing that the old man was just trying to help him out.

"No problem" said Frank. The man finished off his drink, grabbed his coat, and looked at Scully as she approached.

"It was nice meeting you."

She smiled politely, "You too. Thanks for the light."

He nodded and left.

Frank chuckled, which in turn, made Scully smile slightly. "So what's going on this time, kiddo? I haven't seen you in awhile."

She sighed. "I know." She took a puff of her cigarette and exhaled, eyeing Frank.

"So, some new guy?" he said with a smile.

She laughed slightly—he knew it wasn't. "Nope, same one as always."

"Man this guy has a way of making you hurt."

At the word 'hurt' her head snapped up and she looked at Frank.

"Honey, don't be so surprised, it's written all over your face."

She looked embarrassed, and eyed the napkin sitting in front of her.

"No need to be embarrassed—it's just ol' Frank. He put a finger under her chin and brought her eyes to meet him. Tell me what happened."

She sighed, and decided she might as well get it over with, as she knew she'd tell Frank sooner or later.

"Whoa, this one sounds like a doosey."

"Yeah, it was."

"How did it feel when he said those things to you?"

"What are you, a shrink? How do you think it made me feel?"

She realized she'd snapped at him, and quickly apologized. "No apologies here, young lady. You try to play all complicated, but Frank's got your number, I know you hurt—no matter what you say. You can't fool me."

"Yeah, I figured that out sometime ago."

"Anyway, back to your problem. Being in love is complicated." She started to protest but he shushed her "ah, ah, ah, no protestations from you, missy, you try to argue with me every time you come in here, which isn't often enough, I might add, cause I miss ya, kid. Anyway, you try to argue with me every time you come in here that you don't love him, and you and I both know that's rubbish. So stop trying to pretend with me."

"Jeeze Frank, You're awfully bossy tonight."

"Well, sure I am, I've never seen you this hurt before, Dana."

She smiled wryly. "I've never been this hurt before."

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_To Be Continued._

_Coming up: Mulder is looking for Scully, and doing some introspection… will he find her, and if he does, what will happen??_

_Tune in next time to find out!!!_

_Review if you'd like, but know that they are much appreciated! : )_

_This is my first X-File fanfic, so be gentle, please!_

_Thanks, y'all!_

_Natalie_

_P.S. The whole "She only smokes when she drinks" and Frank's lines therein are taken from Joe Nichol's song entitled "She only Smokes When She Drinks." Which is also owned by more wealthy and powerful people than I, so again, no infringement intended._


	2. Lost and Found

Okay, I know I've been MIA for awhile—but I needed a lil break, I suppose. But, I just got a new laptop. My first laptop ever, actually—so I'm looking forward to sitting in my bed typing away! I shall do my best to update quickly… no promises though!

Natalie

Okay, chapter 2!

* * *

Mulder got into his car, put the key into the ignition and turned. Slowly, the car came to life and began a steady purr. He put his head down on the steering wheel. This had been an absolutely unbelievable day. Everything that could have gone wrong, did.

But the tragedy in that was that everything could have gone right. So, so, so right. He and Scully had fought before, but never like this, it had never been that bad. He'd somehow always managed to control his temper, at least when it came to her.

His temper was something he'd struggled with quite a bit in his childhood, his early childhood, but especially when Samantha was taken. He'd gotten reprimand after reprimand from his parents and teachers alike, with the occasional school official intervening. But as he got older, he learned to deal with his anger in different ways, ways that didn't involve lashing out at innocent people.

If only he could have remembered those ways earlier this evening—things wouldn't have gotten so out of control. He wouldn't be feeling so miserable.

He knew his behavior with Dr. Bolton had been wrong. And he knew that he _had_ ditched Scully—and he also knew he didn't have a logical reason except his frustration with his infatuation with his partner. Maybe, subconsciously, he'd been trying to make her jealous, but he never imagined that it would work. Apparently it had.

It had worked so well that now he had no idea where his partner was. He just knew he had to find her. He didn't have a choice—he needed to tell her how sorry he was. That is, if she would even listen to him. He had acted so irrationally that he wouldn't blame the woman if she didn't talk to him for the rest of their natural lives and thereafter. He had taken the low road—he had sided with everyone else in the world that didn't see Scully as he did. And right now, he hated himself for it. Yeah, what she had said hurt him, but that didn't matter now, that couldn't justify the things he said to her.

He needed to find her. 'Then shut up and go look' said a tiny voice inside his head. Mulder sighed and put the car in reverse—he backed out and began his search.

He had no idea where she was, and she wasn't answering her phone. He, perhaps stupidly, checked her apartment—he even used his key to make sure she wasn't hiding from him. But she wasn't.

As he was driving a though occurred to him. He had absolutely no idea where she would go if she were feeling vulnerable. Not that she felt vulnerable on a daily basis, but still, he didn't have the slightest clue as to where to look. So, he did the only thing he could think to do… he drove around aimlessly looking for her car or anyone that remotely resembled her.

He started with coffee houses and moved on to bookstores—hoping to come up with something. But, alas, he found nothing—no trace of Scully—and her cell phone had now been turned off. Apparently she got tired of seeing his name under 'missed calls.' It was getting dark, so he pulled into the parking lot of one of the bookstores and sighed.

He hated that he didn't know where to find her. He hated that he didn't know every little thing about her. He hated that he had done this, that he had caused this hurt for the both of them. Suddenly, a though occurred to him. If Scully were feeling vulnerable, an emotion that was relatively foreign to her, she would probably try to go somewhere that was relatively foreign to her—an atmosphere that was very un-Scully.

Yes, that's exactly it. He knew his profiling skills would pay off someday. So, he changed his tactics. He decided to check all the places where he wouldn't think to look for Scully. And at the top of this list, was any kind of bar. Well, especially ones with scantily clad women—but she wouldn't go that far.

He began driving once again, and checked all the bars he could think of… and finally, he hit pay dirt, so to speak. Outside of a relatively nice looking little bar, he caught sight of Scully's car. He had never been so relieved as he had in that moment. He could now stop agonizing over her death or some accident that would leave her paralyzed for life.

He parked his car and walked across the street and into the front door. He stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes fell on the back of Scully, hunched over her drink. She was facing an older gentleman who was cleaning glasses—they were talking, and suddenly the older man looked Mulder in the eye. Mulder looked at the old man steadily for a moment—there was something in his eyes, a sense of protection that made Mulder stop for a minute. Then, the old man turned his gaze to Scully and said something to her while nodding his head in Mulder's direction.

Scully turned around on the barstool and looked at Mulder. His heart nearly broke then and there. Her eyes were slightly red from crying. She had been crying… because of him and the awful things he'd said to her.

He wanted to run to her, to take her in his arms and tell her how sorry he was. That he would never, ever make her hurt again. But he just stood there. He said nothing. He did nothing.

She turned back around to face the bartender—he said something else to her and walked away.

Slowly, Mulder began making his way to the stool next to Scully. After what seemed like an eternity he made it, but she didn't turn to look at him. His throat was dry, but he tried his voice anyway, and gently said "Scully…"

She still didn't look at him.

He was about to say something else when something in her right hand caught his attention. "Scully, you smoke!" He couldn't stop himself—this didn't make sense.

She took a drag on the cigarette, and finally brought her gaze to meet his. "Only when I drink." She replied, and then put the cigarette out in the ashtray in front of her.

Mulder didn't know what to say, so he just gave a meek smile and said "Oh." Another thing he _didn't_ know about her. He sighed and sat down "Scully, look…" he paused and then started again "I don't really know what to say… except I'm sorry. I know I hurt you…"

That caught her attention, and she turned to look at him, masking the sadness in her eyes with anger "Do you? Do you really, Mulder?"

"Yes." He said, dumbfounded—he knew he hurt her… he thought…

"I don't think you do. I don't think you have any idea at all." She said, trying to keep her voice steady.

"How so?" He asked. He was amazed that she was telling him how she felt for once, instead to the old 'I'm fine.' But, he guessed after what she said before she walked out the door earlier today that they were way past 'I'm fine.'

"Imagine, Mulder, the one thing you hate most about yourself—the one persona you hate projecting. The one nickname that makes you cringe inside every time you hear it, the one thing that makes you want to throw up and cry at the same time. Then imagine that one of the only people you care about in the world uses that _against you_. The one person that you thought saw through the façade. The one person you trusted enough to be fragile with—maybe not outwardly so, but inwardly. The one person you…" She trailed off, tears in her eyes, and looked down at the ashes in the ashtray.

"The one person you what, Scully?"

* * *

Okay, there was chapter two. Be gentle.

I'll try to update more frequently if that's what you wish.

Natalie


	3. Don't Squeeze

_Okay, guys, here's chapter 3. I'm busy now with training for soccer, less than two months til tryouts! But, I'll still try to keep the chapters coming, but only if that's what you want. : )_

_Natalie_

* * *

"Never mind." She said, focusing all her attention on her drink.

"No, come on Scully, finish what you were going to say. Someone that you what?"

"I said never mind. Forget it, okay?"

He regarded her solemnly, before asking "Why do you always do that, Scully?" There was a certain note of sadness in his voice that he couldn't hide.

She still stared at her drink. "You always start to open up, but then you immediately stop. Why do you refuse to trust me, Scully?" At his mention of trust, she looked at him.

"This isn't about trust, Mulder. I trust you implicitly. I thought my following you to the ends of the earth had proven that."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Oh? What did you mean?" She questioned.

"You trust me professionally, Scully, I know that without a doubt. But you don't trust me personally." He said matter-of-factly.

"Mulder, you always seem to speak of them as if they're separate."

"They are."

"Yes, to most. But, not to us, Mulder, not to you and me. The X-Files are your life, I know that. But over these past few years, they have become my life, too. I don't know how and I don't know when, but somehow the two merged into one. So, to trust you professionally is to trust you personally."

He pondered this for a moment. "I agree. But, that doesn't change the fact that you refuse to open up to me. Maybe you're scared of the consequences, I don't know, but whatever it is, you won't do it, save for the occasional cryptic comment here and there." He said, referring to her departing words earlier today.

She nodded solemnly. "You're right."

"I'm sorry, can you say that again, I forgot my tape recorder." He said, smiling.

She didn't smile, though. "I am afraid of the consequences." She said, showing no emotion, though she held utter disdain for admitting her fear. "And rightfully so."

He looked taken aback "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"What it implied. I trust, Mulder. Only you, professionally, personally, whatever, I trust. But, this is what happens when I trust, and the only remedy I can see is to try to separate the two again."

"Why?" He asked.

"Because I don't hurt when I trust professionally, Mulder." She stared at him for a long moment before she sighed and said "I have to pee." Not giving him a chance to respond, she removed herself from the barstool and headed towards the restroom.

Frank, who had been wiping down the bar, came over to where Mulder sat. "You must be Mr. Mulder."

Mulder shook his head in the affirmative.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Frank." He shook Mulder's hand and then nodded off into the direction of the bathroom "She sure is something, isn't she?"

"Yeah." Mulder said. "Does she come here often?"

"Only every now and then, but when she does come in, we have nice little chats."

Mulder looked shocked "You mean, she actually talks to you? How do you get her to do it?"

Frank just smiled. "She only talks about one thing, anyway."

"What's that?" Mulder questioned.

"Ah, that, Mr. Mulder, is a secret." Frank said, still smiling. "But let me give you a little piece of advice, if I may… when a woman like that puts her heart in your hand… don't squeeze." With that, Frank turned back to his task of cleaning up.

"Wait… what do you mean?" Frank just looked over his shoulder and smiled.

Scully returned from the bathroom, coat in hand, "I'm taking off, Frank."

Frank turned and leaned across the bar, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek "Okay, sweetheart, take care. And come to see me more often!"

Scully smiled, and began walking out the door, Mulder following quickly at her heels. As they walked into the brisk DC air, Mulder spoke:

"Scully, can we please talk about this?"

"What, Mulder? What is there to talk about?"

Um, had she missed the entire conversation back in the bar? "Everything!"

She whirled around to face him, "Okay, then, talk!"

He paused momentarily before speaking "When I said that you…well, what I said back at the office, I don't know why I said it. No, I mean, I do know why I said it, I was angry, but, I mean…" he trailed off.

Scully swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She hated this—this being at someone else's will. She felt what he made her feel. Of course, he didn't know that, but that didn't change the facts.

"Look, I'm sorry. That's what it comes down to."

She sighed "I know you're sorry, Mulder, but that doesn't change the fact that you said it in the first place. Do you have any idea how that made me feel, Mulder?"

"Yes, Scully, that's why I'm apologizing. I don't think you could ever possibly know how truly sorry I am. I was an idiot; I was trying to hurt you."

"You succeeded." She admitted, staring at the ground.

"I know."

Her eyes remained focused on the ground, "Mulder…" she started "is that really what you think of me?" she questioned, her voice meeker than she would have liked, or even thought possible. The tears welling in her eyes caused the words to squeak in her throat as they moved around the giant lump that had formed there.

She was scared. She was scared of his answer, frightened that it might be yes. That he really did think she was an ice queen. In her heart, she knew he didn't, not after all these years together. But she had to hear him say it, she had to deal with this before she could deal with the other things that had been said.

Mulder stood in silence, hardly believing that the question had been asked in the first place. Did she really not know how he truly felt? He turned away from her and rested his head against the wall, remaining silent.

How could he convey the truth to her? How could he possibly explain that, no, he didn't think those things of her. He didn't think she was cold or unfeeling. How could he say that she was the most tender-hearted person he'd ever met, that she was the only person in his entire life that had ever stuck by him? That she was the only person he had ever fully trusted, not because she was cold, but because she was exactly the opposite? How could he tell her that he loved her for all that she was?

Scully mistook his silence for the answer she most feared, and silently turned around and walked to her car.

The sound of the ignition startled Mulder from his reverie, and he turned to face Scully, only to find that she was gone. His eyes scanned the street, until they finally settled on her car. He could barely make out her face, but what he saw as she began to drive away was unmistakable.

He saw a single tear rolling down her cheek.

* * *

To Be Continued…

_I promise I won't drag this on for a million years, I just think it needs more substance… not just BAM! Forgiveness. Most people aren't like that—especially when it comes to matters of the heart._

_Oh, and I know, Scully drove after she'd been drinking…. That's why this is fiction. **Don't drink and drive!**_

_Feel free to review or the like, but, "Please be careful with me, I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way."_

_Thanks, and I hope you enjoyed it.!_

_Natalie_


	4. Fix It

Oh my gosh! I can't believe I've neglected this story for so long! Time has seriously gotten the better of me this year. I'm sorry, truly. I didn't know it had been so long.

I'm out of school for the summer, so all I have is work and trying to keep in shape—I'll definitely try to be more efficient with my updates. I seem to say that every time, but I still seem to neglect my stories and you guys.

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. They're amazing, and I'm sorry they went unappreciated by way of lack of updates on this story.

I'm sorry, you guys, seriously—I'll try not to let so much time go by again.

Anyway, without any further adieu, here's chapter four, for you to review! (haha, sorry, I couldn't resist the rhyme)… review if you're not too angry at me. :-)

Natalie

break

"Shit!" Mulder cursed out loud as he watched Scully's car drive off into the distance. He thought about chasing it, but he didn't. Instead, he ran to his car and jumped in. He put the key in the ignition, but paused.

How the hell had this happened? If he weren't so upset with himself he probably would have laughed. The situation would have been comical were it happening to someone in a movie and not to him.

A man so desperately in love with his partner manages to hurt the hell out of her like he never has before all in one day. He couldn't have made things worse if he had tried. Well, maybe if he had tried, things would have been better.

He shouldn't have hesitated like that. But it was so hard—all these years of emotions, of pent up feelings culminating in the one moment when she actually asked him what he thought of her. How the hell was he supposed to tell her that he thought she was one of the greatest human beings to ever walk the planet?

Just "Hey, Scully, I know I said you were a cold hearted bitch, but the truth is you rock my fucking world" ? Really, how was this sort of thing supposed to be done?

Damn, hesitation can really lose the game. Or the woman, as it were. This thought put him into gear, and made him start the car—he realized he was hesitating again, and that sure wouldn't help him undo what he'd so carelessly done.

That is, if she would let him undo what he'd so carelessly done.

Mulder knew that he had to fix this. He absolutely had to fix this. He'd screwed things up enough between them through the years; there was no way he was going to wait for this one to just blow over like it had in the past.

Not this time. This was too big, too important, and too awful of a mess. He had spent too much time messing things up between them, and this was the last time. It was about time he fixed things; it was about time he made them right.

So, he did the only thing he could think of.

Scully drove around the corners back to her apartment, not noticing the familiar car that turned whenever she did. It's a good thing she knew the route blindly, because she couldn't see through all of her tears. She had long given up swiping at her eyes, she couldn't catch them fast enough, so she just let them fall freely and land where they would.

She hated crying. Most of the time she hated crying, anyway. There were those rare times when it felt so cleansing that it was enjoyable, but this was definitely not one of those times.

She felt so stupid _for_ crying. But she couldn't help it; there was nothing she could do. And she hated it. She really hated it.

She felt stupid, period. All these years of partnership, she'd convinced herself that there was this unspoken _thing_ between them. No, not even this unspoken thing…this unspoken love. When she first started to fall for Mulder, she told herself that she was being silly, that there was no way that he would feel the same about her, and even if he did, that they would never act on it.

But somehow, somewhere, slowly over the years those feelings started to change. She fell, she had fallen. Hard, too. But instead of telling herself that it would never work out, that he would never feel the same, she somehow began to convince herself that maybe it did, and maybe he did.

She had obviously misinterpreted all the 'signs' she saw, all the little things that, in her mind, had made reciprocation a viable option.

But she had so obviously miscalculated everything.

He didn't return the feelings she had—far from it, in fact. He thought just like everyone else—that she was a cold-hearted-bitch-ice-queen of a woman. She had thought that of everyone she knew, aside from her own family, that he would be the one that would see past that image she so often projected.

It's true, in the beginning of her career, that's the image she had wanted to project. She had always had something to prove. She needed to let her coworkers and superiors know that she could play with the boys. She needed to show everyone that she could do just as good of a job as the men, and most of the time better. She knew that to be seen as emotional was inherently female, and considered inherently weak. So she worked early on at controlling the 'feminine' emotions she displayed—and after awhile she became a pro at it. She never let anything phase her in front of the boys, she never let them know that there sexual innuendos made her sick to her stomach.

She just took it and shut up about it. Because to do otherwise would bring more adversities and adversaries, and in her profession of choice, that was the last thing she needed.

And it worked. It wasn't long before men started respecting her, at least started respecting her more than they respected the other women who did what she did. And she was seen as their professional equal more often than not—and that's what she had worked for, that's what she had wanted. But she didn't know the repercussions would be so damning.

She was seen as cool, calm, collected and absolutely 100 percent detached. She had become Scully the robo-bitch. Ice queen, ice princess, whatever name suited a particular male.

But that's not who she was. Truth be told, that was never who she was. Not for even a second.

She was sensitive. She was fragile. She just never showed it to anyone else; she never let them know she could _feel_, she never let them know she was human.

But she was. Of course she was. And she thought she had shown that part of herself to Mulder. She had thought he understood.

She had been wrong.

And she hated that almost as much as she hated crying.

She tried to focus on the road again only to find that she was home. She made it to her apartment, made sure she was locked in, and changed into her pjs.

She had stopped crying, but she still went through the motions without ever really focusing on the tasks at hand—she was still thinking about Mulder.

That's when she heard a tentative knock at the door.

Scully made her way to the door, she knew who it was, but she also knew that she had absolutely no intention of letting anyone into her apartment that night—least of all him.

Mulder's mind raced as he knocked a second time, more forcefully this time. He knew she was inside. After a couple of minutes, he spoke to her.

"Scully, open up. I know you're in there, I saw your car outside."

His plea was met with silence, even though he knew full well she was standing on the other side of the door. And she knew he knew, but she didn't care.

"Come on, Scully. Let me in…please."

She sighed. "No, Mulder, go away."

"Scully, I'm not going away. Now let me in. We need to talk."

"No, Mulder, I'm not going to let you in. I don't _want _to talk. There's _nothing_ to talk about."

"Of course there is Scully." He said, leaning close to the door "There's plenty to talk about, there's a ton of stuff to talk about, but I'd rather the neighbors not hear."

She shook her head, even though she knew he couldn't see her. "No." She said firmly.

"Scully, come _on_, please let me in."

"No!" she said again, louder this time.

"Fine!" he shouted, matching both her level and tone.

After a minute or so she thought that was the end of it as she heard silence on the other side of the door, she thought that he had left, so she made her way to the couch.

Just as she sat down, she heard a sound at the door. A dreadful sound.

The sound of someone inserting a key into the lock.

"Mulder, no!" she said, but it was too late, she saw the lock on the door turn, and she knew he was coming in and that there was no stopping him. "Damnit, Mulder!"


	5. Finale

Hey, guys! Well, I decided I needed to update this story—so I took my day off, and I went on down to Starbucks, and locked myself in the place until it was finished! And Voila! Here it is!

The final installment in "She Only Smokes When She Drinks"!

Enjoy... and review... let me know what you think of the final product!

* * *

She should have known he was going to use his key. She should have taken that thing away from him a long time ago.

"Mulder, that KEY is for EMERGENCIES only."

"I know." he said as he opened the door. "This IS an emergency." he said as he stood there looking at her small frame sitting on the couch.

"Mulder, an emergency usually involves blood of some kind. And, as you can see" she said as she motioned around the room, "there is no blood. None."

"No," he agreed as he shut the door lightly behind him and walked over to the couch. He looked at her as she looked up at him, wondering why he had that strange look in his eyes. He brought his hand to touch her cheek where red lines still covered her face. "But there are tears." he said softly, tracing one of the lines.

Her eyes widened "Shit." she muttered softly as she turned her face away from him. "Mulder, these are not tears… I was just, It's just that when I was driving something went in my… Mulder," she tried again, pausing "these are not tears."

"Right, Scully. Your eyes are all puffy and there are red lines running down your cheeks, and you're trying to tell me you weren't crying? Scully, I may be an alien-chasing crackpot, but you're not going to get me to believe _that_."

"I'm fine." she assured, still refusing to look at him.

He moved to the other side of the couch to look at her face "Scully, you're not fine. You're upset."

She was silent.

"You're hurt."

"Mulder, I…" she stopped before continuing. "I am _not_ hurt. I mean, I'm a lot of things: I'm angry, pissed off, upset, mad, but hurt, I am not."

"Then why were you crying?" he asked gently.

She knew she was being stupid and childish, but she didn't care. After Mulder had hurt her so badly the last thing she needed was for him to know that he had hurt her so badly.

"They were tears of anger." she said as matter-of-factly as possible.

"When you're angry, Scully, you give the evil eye and get that little tone in your voice. The one that says 'don't mess with me because I'm really pissed off right now.' You do not cry." He smiled a little "And besides, I thought they weren't tears."

"Oh, shut up, Mulder. How do you know what I do when I get a certain way or feel a certain emotion?"

"Because I know you."

Ignoring his last comment she continued "According to you, I _have_ no emotion, so I don't fathom how you could possibly know what I'm feeling or what I do when I'm feeling it. And, come to think of it, as per your view of me, I couldn't be hurt, now could I?" she said, huffing a little as this phrase came out all at once.

"Scully, about that…"

"No, Mulder. No. I do not want to talk about it. I do not want to hear your lame excuses; I do not want to talk to you period. In fact, I don't even really want to see you right now. So please leave."

He chuckled a little, "Scully, I am absolutely not leaving."

She looked at him, anger flaring in her eyes "Well, then, you stay." she said as she got up from the couch "_I'll_ leave."

Mulder caught her arm gently "Come on, Scully. Don't leave. Please. Let's talk about this."

"I already said I don't want to talk about this, and you're not going to leave, so I don't see how I have any other choice."

"Don't do this. Please sit down. I can't stand to hurt you like this."

Finally, she looked at him. "I think it's a little too late for that, Mulder. It's a little too late for that." She admitted a bit too quickly.

"See, there, I knew I hurt you… and I've" he started but her angry words cut him off.

"Yes, Mulder. Yes. You hurt me. And what? Why should I be surprised? Hell, why should _you_ be surprised?"

"Scully…" he pleaded momentarily.

"No, Mulder, don't 'Scully' me! As if what I'm saying isn't true enough—you know it's true. I know it's true. I just don't know how I could have put up with it. I just don't know."

He sat silently, waiting for her to continue.

She sat down on the couch, she was exhausted. "I'm just so…tired, Mulder. I'm just so tired."

"Of…?" Mulder prompted.

"Of everything. I can't keep doing this. I can't." she said, her voice becoming shaky.

"Doing what?" he asked gently.

"Defending myself. I can't keep defending myself against these… I don't even know what, accusations? All I know is I'm tired of it. I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm this cold-hearted woman. I'm tough, yes. But I'm not cold hearted. And, what really sucks, Mulder… is that of all the people in the world _you_ think that of me. I can handle it from just about anyone in this world—but not you." She said, "Not you." She restated, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Scully…Oh, Scully…" he started as he lightly grabbed her hand. "You don't have to defend yourself."

She laughed "Obviously I do, if the one person in the world that I…trust…thinks I'm some kind of ice queen. Obviously I do."

"I _don't_ think you're an ice queen, Scully. I don't think you're cold-hearted and I don't think that you lack emotion."

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because I'm an asshole."

That made her laugh a little bit.

"No, I mean it, I'm an asshole. I was angry and I know you… probably better than anyone on this planet. Or any other planet for that matter. And the truth is, I knew what buttons to push to really make you angry. To really make you hurt. And I knew that button would get the biggest reaction out of you… so I said it. I shouldn't have said it, but I did. And I'm sorry."

"The things people say in anger are often truths—the real truths of how they feel."

He laughed at this. "Scully… if you only knew…"

"If I only knew what?" she asked, perplexed by his laughter.

"How _untrue_ that last statement is." He took a breath "If anger brought out the truths of how people felt… well, I wouldn't have said _that_."

She looked at him. The way he emphasized _that_ let her know that he was thinking something else. "What would you have said, then?" She asked carefully.

He looked at her with a small smile on his face. Should he say it now? Should he tell her what he would have said? He took another deep breath and shook his head, but spoke anyway "If anger brought out truths… I wouldn't have called you an ice queen. I would have…" he paused, unsure of whether or not he could or should continue, but he did nonetheless "I would have said that you are the most warm-hearted, caring person that I know. I would have said that out of everyone that's ever come into my life, you are the only one that has stood by my side more times than I can count. You are the only one that has ever been there all the time—you are the only one that has ever truly, truly cared about me."

She started to speak, but he cut her off.

"I would have said that out of all the people in this world, there is no one else that I would rather work with—there is no one else I trust with my life, there is no one else I admire, there is no one else I…. there is no one else I love more than you. I would have said that I'm so madly in love with you that I can't see straight. I'm so helplessly head-over-proverbial-heels in love with you that I don't know what to do with myself. I would have said that there is no one in this world that has _ever_ made me feel the way you do, and you are the only person in this world that I cannot live without. You are the only person in this world that I don't want to live without. You are the only person in this world that I can't bear to live without."

She looked at him again, tears welling in her eyes "Oh, Mulder…" she said, pausing momentarily, "Don't…"

He stopped abruptly and looked at her "Don't what, Scully?"

"Don't… say that. You don't have to say that."

He chuckled a little "Yes I do."

"No, Mulder, you don't have to say you're in love with me to… to make me feel better. It's okay. But, thank you…" she trailed off as she stood up and walked over to the window, unsure of what to say next. How could she say anything?

"Scully, are you serious right now? After all of that you don't think I'm telling the truth?"

She wrapped her arms around her body—this was too much. But she looked over her shoulder at him "I… I don't know, Mulder."

He laughed, then rose from the couch to stand just inches from her "Look at me, Scully."

She did. She turned around to face him.

"Look into my eyes and tell me again that what I'm saying isn't the truth."

She did that, too. She looked straight into his eyes, and what she saw there shocked her. She didn't see jest, as she had anticipated. Instead, she saw love. Raw love, and it scared the hell out of her and enthralled her to no end all at the same time. She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't.

"See? It's real. That's what I would have said. That's what I should have said… that I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been for years." he said, staring intently into her eyes.

"Years?" she asked, his intensity making her breathless.

"Yes, Scully…. years." he said "So, you see… _that_ is the truth. _This_…" he said as he pulled her close to his body "This, is the truth" and with that, he pulled her roughly into a gentle kiss.

Their lips touched for the first time, and it was nothing short of magic. He kissed her with a type of reserved hunger that drove her absolutely crazy—and she kissed back with equal fervor, which drove him absolutely crazy. He deepened the kiss as he entwined his fingers in her hair, she let out a little moan at this gesture—and they kissed even harder. The intensity of the kiss continued, as they both explored what they'd wanted to explore for years—before they both came up for air.

"I love you, Scully," he said, his hands on either side of her face. "I love you so much."

She laughed, as tears came to her eyes. "I love you too, Mulder. I love you, too."

He pulled her into a hug, then, as he rested his chin on the top of her head. "I'm sorry I hurt you—I was stupid. I was…"

"Mulder, it's okay. You've more than made up for it." she said, her voice slightly muffled by his chest.

"I have?"

She looked up at him, a small smile playing on her face "Well, maybe not entirely—but we can work on that later."

* * *

**SEVEN MONTHS LATER**

Scully walked into the tiny bar holding hands with Mulder. She walked straight to the bar and sat down, with Mulder occupying the seat next to her.

The bartender was busy down at the other end of the bar, but looked up to acknowledge his customer "I'll be right…" he started, but then trailed off when he noticed who this new customer was. Frank dropped the rag he was wiping with, and came over to where Scully was sitting "Well, I'll be… sugar, I haven't seen you in months!" He laughed heartily as he leaned over the bar to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"I know, Frank, I'm sorry!" She laughed as she kissed him back.

"You promised you'd keep in touch—little ol' Frank missed you!" he said as he jabbed a thick thumb at his chest.

"Aw, I've missed you too… but I've been kind of busy." she said with a smile on her face.

Frank looked at Mulder, then laughed again "A-ha, So I see, love, so I see." He offered a friendly handshake to Mulder, and Mulder gladly accepted.

"But you can't even drop in to let me know you're okay? I'm an old man, Dana, I can't take worrying like this." he said in jest.

"Next time, I'll check in, I promise."

"You better, dear, you better. So… what can I get you? A beer? A pack of cigarettes?" He said as he tossed a pack of Camel Lights on the bar in front of her, with a little wink.

"No, I think I'll just have a coke." she said, smiling at Mulder.

"Ah, a coke. And for you, Mr. Mulder?"

"I'll have the same."

Frank chuckled "Two cokes coming up!" He was gone only a minute before he set the cokes down in front of the two.

"So, what brings you to this neck of the woods?"

Scully smiled brightly at Mulder then turned back to look at Frank. "Well, Frank… actually… we were wondering. I mean, I know you had your pastor's license a few years ago, and we were wondering… if you still had it."

"Well, no, love I don't—but I can renew it with just a snap of my fingers… why… Oh, I see…. that little rock there on your hand should've been my first clue."

"Your attention to detail is fading, Frank." she said.

Mulder, who had been silent this entire time, except for a few chuckles here and there said "So, you can renew it?"

"Yes, I certainly can. And I will, if you're asking me what I think you're asking me."

"Yes." Mulder said "We are."

"We'd like you to perform the ceremony." Scully said, still smiling.

Frank looked at the both of them and smiled "Well, I would love nothing more."

"Good!" Mulder said, before excusing himself to use the restroom.

Scully picked up the pack of cigarettes Frank had set on the bar earlier.

"So, you're happy are you?" Frank questioned as he picked up his rag and wiped down the bar.

"Yes…very much so." She said as she took a cigarette out and held it between her fingers.

"Good. I was sad not to have you in here anymore, but I was happier for you, because I knew that things must have been going well. You're like a daughter to me, Dana, you know that—and I'm so happy to see you smile."

She looked at him and gave him a smile "Thanks, Frank."

Just then, a man came up to Scully holding a lighter "Can I give you a light?" he said in a deep voice.

She looked back at Frank and laughed as Mulder returned from the bathroom, the man still stood there, lighter in hand as Scully chuckled and said to Frank "We'll let you know when the ceremony is."

And with that, Scully set the cigarette down, offered a kiss on the cheek to Frank, a wry smile to the man with the lighter, and took Mulder by the hand as they left the bar. He put his hand on the small of her back as he guided her out the door into the DC city night.

Frank looked at the man with the lighter still poised in his hand and started to laugh. And laugh, and laugh.

"What?" the man said, utterly bewildered by what had just happen.

When Frank finally composed himself he said with a smile "Everybody knows, she only drinks alone…" he picked up the rag and started wiping the bar down "…and she only smokes when she drinks."

**THE END**

Well, that's all, folks...

I hope it was worth your time. Let me know! Or I shall never write again... or something equally dramatic:-) Thank you guys for being so kind!

Natalie


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